I envy the professional witches and druids out there. It's not that I dislike my career. I get a lot of fulfillment out of it and find that it's quite compatible with Druidism. But when I come home, I'm so exhausted. I focus on my artwork because a) it's spiritually fulfilling to me and b) it's easy to focus on while relaxing in front of a show (unless I'm using a sewing machine... then it's impossible). Free weekends are few and far between. There's always something happening. A ritual an hour and a half away. Family visitations. Socializing with friends. Vacation. Craft shows.
I envy the professional witches and druids who have time to really focus on more than one aspect of their spirituality. They have the time and energy to, not only craft, but study herbalism, meditate for long periods, take nature walks, study the lore, write essays and/or books, practice divination, and serve the greater community. I want that! That is, at least, my goal for retirement.
One of the biggest reasons I started the Initiate Study Program was because I wanted a structured way to help me explore the other areas of Druidism - trance, magic, liturgy, language, etc... I've found myself moving through it slowly - not out of boredom or disinterest! I merely have little time and energy. That said, I don't want to give up. I know that, if I sit down and focus, I'll be able to finish Magic 1 (at least a first draft) very soon.
Taking a sick day has helped me once again realize just how little time and energy I usually have. I took that day and finished the book I had been picking at for months. I started to organize my notes on it and even started answering the questions. I had time and energy - it felt amazing. I felt like I was getting somewhere in my Druidic studies. In the summer I felt so alive. I had free time to walk in the woods, explore the plants in the hedges, tend my herbs, etc... Now it's back to the grindstone and back to feeling spiritually stifled.
Except for art. It's the one thing I cling to when everything else goes to the back burner. I really need to focus on and cultivate that. Perhaps it's a calling?
Anyway, I find myself questioning my routine and my priorities. Should I just focus on art and try to make time for meditation and as my schedule and energy levels allow? Or should I attempt to make myself a schedule? I like structure and routine, for the most part. I could benefit from, at the very least, an attempt to meditate/trance once or twice a week on a set day when Weretoad is working. That could be a start. Then perhaps I could schedule myself a day to walk in the woods? A day to study? It all goes against what should be my Sagittarian nature, but I need to do something to feel more balanced.
( For My LJ Friends: http://adfcatprints.blogspot.com/ )