Magically Mundane Mondays - Enjoy Autumn!

As I recently posted, my stomping grounds are becoming increasingly winter-like.  There is the promise of a short Indian Summer this week.  I encourage you to make the most of it and enjoy the last bit of Autumn magic!

• Admire the leaves.  Observe the changes and marvel at the magnificence of nature.  
• Play in the laves!  Rake them into piles and jump into them.  Enjoy their earthy scent.  Collect a few to press or rub with crayons.  Try to identify them and add these to your nature journal.
• If you don't have a nature journal - MAKE ONE!  It's a wonderful way to observe the magic that is all around you every day!
• Keep track of the wildlife around you.  What birds are still around?  Have the robins left yet?  Have you seen any Canada geese flying south?
• Pick or buy some locally grown apples and bake them.  Inhale their perfume as they cook...  Drink their juice and spice it up!  Warm cider will fill you with autumn's spirit for sure!
• Visit the farmers' market before it ends for the season.  Observe what produce is available.  Try and make more meals with the food that's in season and really connect with the agricultural cycle.  Thank the Earth Mother for her bounty.  Thank the Nature Spirits before they nurture you.  Envision the alchemy that occurs in your kitchen with each meal.  
• Build an ancestral altar.  Pray to your ancestors and meditate on death and transformation.
• Start to dream of the activities you can do during the dark half of the year.  Create a mental list of crafts to create, recipes to cook, card or board games to play, and books to read.
• Preserve some food.  This is something I want to try more of in the future.

( For My LJ Friends: http://adfcatprints.blogspot.com/ )

Bulleted Update

• I'm working on a fairy costume for Samhain.  I scrapped my original idea which involved a laced vest.  I'm going to try and make myself a chemise type dress with a girdle/faux corset thing around the chest.  I'm trying to go for an elegant but wild look, if that makes sense.  I bought ear tips and need to paint them...
• I'm signed up to participate in an artisan trading card exchange through the ADF Artisan Guild.  I'm excited about it but need to figure out what to do...  The deadline is approaching...  
• I really, really need to finish reviewing a DP that was resubmitted to me...  
• Work is draining me.  It was a short week and everything, but I return home and feel so out of it.  I just want to sit, watch things, and sew/crochet.  So...it's not like I'm being a total lazy bum, but there are definitely other things I need to work on.
• Still chugging along on Magic I.  
• Still chugging along through "The Two Towers."
• I've been slowly working on two dolls.  Their clothing is coming into existence.  I'd like to get a felting needle to help me with some accessories.  I also started another tree spirit yesterday.
• I've been really horrid about meditation recently.  My discipline gets completely out of sorts whenever I visit family.  I don't blame them at all - I blame myself.  Still, I see them so infrequently that I can't justify pulling away to be by myself when I'm down there.  I'm hoping to attend a meditation class at a local yoga center this coming week.  I hope it helps reenergize and refocus me.

( For My LJ Friends: http://adfcatprints.blogspot.com/ )

Divine Poetry

Last night I prayed to Brighid, asking her to visit me in meditation.  I was already pretty sleepy so I quickly entered this very lucid trance.  I suddenly found myself in a forest.  The sun was shining bright through the trees.  I remember distinctly seeing a birch and quaking aspen.  There was a bright white stone on the ground which, for some reason, I fixated on.  I did not see Brighid but I heard her voice reciting beautitful poetry that I can't really remember...  It was about finding her, that I do remember...  Did I hear the fairy song for one fleeting moment?  I remember the power of the words, though.  I was hanging on them as they flowed so effortlessly.  I suddenly really recognized what was going on and I woke up.  Bah.

Still.  I heard my lady's voice.

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More on Ahimsa and The Spirit of the Deer

My most recent post about ahimsa and Druidism sparked some conversation with prophet_maid on Live Journal.  We talked about vegetarianism, eating meat, the food chain, and the hierarchy implied by Jainist ahimsa.  It helped me sort through my thoughts better and I realize that that isn't the best way for me to express my reasons for what I do.  Many of the ideas surrounding ahimsa still resonate with me.  I am very inspired by Gandhi's application of it

A hierarchy naturally implies that I feel I am better and more privileged than other creatures.  As I've expressed to others before, I really don't think that.  I don't believe that humans are any better or worse than the other Nature Spirits.  I believe we all have natural talents and that some of us are better at certain things.  Framed by human-centric values and aspirations, I can say that we are more creative and innovative than other creatures (sometimes for better or worse), but there is a bit of hubris to that.  I am proud to call myself creative and artistic, but I am not close-minded to the possibility that some other creatures have a different definition of art and think of themselves as more capable in that area than us.  Who really knows?

In the end, I have made a spiritual decision about what I will and will not eat.  It almost seems like a hierarchy in that I am choosing to eat some things and not others, but I feel no true superiority over the plants I eat.  I have a great respect for plants.  I talk to them, ask permission before I harvest, leave offerings, sing to them, and thank them frequently.  I hug trees and am not ashamed to admit that.  I do not feel as closely related to plants as I do those in the animal kingdom, but I fill a kinship nonetheless.

In talking more about it to prophet_maid, I compared myself to herbivores like rabbits and deer.  I explained that I didn't feel removed from the natural cycles of life or somehow less human because I was denying myself participation in a common human act.  I said that I was just as connected to the cycles of life as a deer.  I don't see it as the denial of basic human needs; I see it as another way of experiencing humanity - a way just as valid as eating sustainable meat.  Thinking of it this way in combination with the end of my previous post, in which I discuss spiritual prohibition and life lessons, it makes so much more sense to me.  I am feeling more comfortable simply saying that it is a spiritual choice I have made connected to the lessons I must learn at this time in this life.  Perhaps there will come a time when I am meant to learn the lessons of eating meat again.  Who really knows?

Comparing myself to a deer, though, opened up a new door - one that has been slowly opening for years.  I've had different spiritual experiences with deer.  I could say it started as a child as I delighted at seeing the deer outside my home, but what child wouldn't feel that way?  Truly, the first time I felt spiritually tuned in to this creature was when I started college.  I was in a rough place emotionally.  Although I was experimenting with Wicca before a breakup, it was after that I really became a practicing Pagan.  It was then that I started to work harder and develop my skills.   I went into the woods to meditate.  One day, after meditating, I opened my eyes and was surrounding by a herd of deer.  It seemed like a buck and a harem of does.  I looked at the buck and I remember that I wasn't afraid.  I was in awe as he stared me down.  I remember saying to him in my mind, "I'm not here to hurt anyone."  He made a noise - the first time I ever heard a deer speak in anyway - and stamped a hoof.  The herd moved away, dissolving into the woods.  I felt such a rush and instinctively felt like, after so many years of playing in the woods as a child, I was finally formally allowed there.  Was the spirit of the Horned God in that deer?  I've never been sure, exactly, but it was one of the most spiritually important events in my life.

The second time I brushed with the spirit of deer came during meditation.  I met with a spirit of the forest - a fair woman who called herself a lady of the deer.  I was then obsessed, for a short time, with Flidais.  I tried to research her and seek advice from others.  There is little on her, and some people seemed dismissive of it.  Yet I felt so drawn.  I still do...  I let that fall by the wayside because I didn't want to seem too "New Agey" to Celtic Reconstructionists and scholarly folk who seemed to think she was just a literary character in the tales and little more.  I wasn't as driven or emotionally strong then.

Most recently, I was in the woods making offerings.  I called to the spirits of the forest and asked for their teachings.  In that moment, a deer ran through in the distance, vanishing into the darkness.  I wanted to follow it, but was also frightened for some reason...

I don't think of myself as the sort to attach oracular significance to every natural event I witness.  Most of the time, if I see a raven, fox, or such, I just hail it as a passing nature spirit.  There might be a lesson, but most of the time it is simply a blessing to see them.  I feel lucky for that alone.  The deer though...  I cannot shake the significance of those times.  I feel that this is something I should really work through and explore more.  Perhaps I have another spirit guide I should be working with in addition to Breeze the Lynx?  Perhaps I should start walking into that darkness and facing the fears.

The doll above, "Flidais," was made by the extremely talented Forest Rogers.  
( For My LJ Friends: http://adfcatprints.blogspot.com/ )

Night Walks

My cough seems to be improving, although I am still hacking every now and then, and I think my coughs sound like barks.  They aren't occurring at the same frequency, which is nice.  Still...  I am worried about why they haven't gone...  Perhaps that is the nature of allergies?  Or perhaps it's something worse?

Meditation is still hard to do.  It seems the more I sit and focus on my breathing, the more I'll cough.  I'm able to do brief breathing exercises, such as a Tree of Life/Two Powers visualization.  It's short but sweet.  It can both calm and reconnect me to the cosmos.

I've been enjoying a form of semi-active meditation recently - going outside after midnight to stand, watch, and listen.  I say semi-active because it involves a little bit of walking and occasionally changing positions. There is definitely something meditative and Otherworldly about being outside, alone, at night.  Night is full of paradoxes, it seems.  Everything seems still and yet the Nature Spirits are very active.  There is a hush and yet the world is abuzz.  I find some sort of peace at night.

Yesterday evening (or rather...early this morning...) I observed several toads, listened to the chorus of crickets and frogs, and watched a bat dance loops in the air.  It felt somewhat meditative to be there, still and observing something other than myself.


( For My LJ Friends: http://adfcatprints.blogspot.com/ )

Nature Walks and Staves

My cough hasn't completely gone away, meaning I haven't been able to meditate again.  I made up for it ten-fold by going into the forest for a long time by myself.  Something about the experience feels meditative in some way - very peaceful and clarifying.  There's also an exhilaration born from excitement, personal triumph, and fear of the unknown.

I made offerings to the genius loci, talked to the plants and animals, and sat for a long time basking in the glow of the sun with a dragonfly.  I also found more fly agaric which I admired.

My purpose for going into the woods today, aside from the desire to commune with nature, was to find a suitable branch for a staff.  I found such a branch and, judging by the trees I found it near, it looks to be from a red or silver maple.  I need to make further observations before I'm sure which.  All the same, I think it will be a fine staff for practical and magical purposes.  I've already started to remove the bark.  I'm not sure what I'll carve into it yet.  It's something I'll have to meditate on.

When I can meditate again.  :S

( For My LJ Friends: http://adfcatprints.blogspot.com/ )

My Lughnasadh

Lughnasadh started yesterday for me.  Weretoad had to work but I still wanted and needed to attend Muin Mound Grove.  I had committed myself to make the main offering - a doll of Tailtiu, Lugh's foster mother.  It is because of her that we celebrate Lughnasadh.  The story goes that she cleared the fields for agriculture and, after that, died*.  Lugh declared Lughnasadh as a feast day in her honor.  It was a day when the tribes gathered, judgements were made, and games played.

Because Weretoad worked, I drove all by myself to East Syracuse.  I'd never done that alone before.  It was a harrowing experience for me.  I even managed to get lost and called my husband, sobbing out of fear.  Pathetic, I know.  Worry not!  I reached my destination alive and well**!  I made it to the business meeting (where I was officially elected to be the new secretary) and played some games with the other ladies***.  I won the contest of strength but that's only because I was able to hold a yoga pose for a long time.  Candee was the ultimate champion, however, because she was able to accurately answer the most riddles and toss a nice, if modified, caber.

The ritual went well.  It felt faster than usual, but that was probably because we had such a small turnout.     Tailtiu was placed in the sacred fire and we all grew quiet as she burned.  It's always very moving to watch as a piece of art is willingly given to the Gods, but this is the first time that I sacrificed a piece of my really elaborate art.  I put a lot of work into her and everyone thought she was lovely, for which I was grateful.  I'm really proud of how she came out.

I had to leave shortly after the ritual to make it to Watertown in time to fetch Weretoad, so no yummy potluck.  Hubby and I came home pretty late and crashed into bed.

Today was very relaxing.  To celebrate Lughnasadh, we had a picnic lunch under a couple trees followed by a short nature walk.  We studied the local plants and observed some lovely insects.  I later went out by myself and took a short trek in the forest.  I left an offering for the local spirits, gathered some small pine cones, a few rocks, and some sticks to practice carving.  I also found this lovely specimen.  It looks like a variety of fly agaric, perhaps amanita formosa or amanita guessowii.  I have always wanted to find fly agaric in the wild, and to find it when my interest has been most intense and on a high day was truly a blessing.  I felt little guilt taking this one as it was half-eaten and unlikely to reach maturity as a result.  I wanted to bring it in, properly identify it, and sketch it in my journal.  I'm pretty certain it is fly agaric, but being that I have next to no experience in mycology, and have not done enough research on using it in trance, I only sketched it before putting it back outside as an offering.  I am so grateful for the opportunity to see a fresh fly agaric in person.  I've been able to look at some dry specimens before, but this was a real treat.  After I dug it up, I left a small offering to its spirit and built a little dolmen in the area where I found it.  There are likely to be more and I would love to take a photo of a fully formed mushroom (if it isn't devoured by the slugs first...)

So I think I had a very blessed Lughnasadh indeed!  I hope all of my readers had a lovely, fruitful day.

 *As much as a deity dies, of course. ;)


** The experienced must have really upset me, though, because shortly after getting there, I had a coughing attack.  


*** Strangely, no men came to the ritual.  Skip was away at a meeting, so it was just us hens!  There was something strangely witchy and gratifying about an all female ritual...  


( For My LJ Friends: http://adfcatprints.blogspot.com/ )

Observing Nature as a Meditation

Sometimes the best meditation is observing nature.  I found myself doing that a lot today at various points along the St. Lawrence River here in Northern NY.  I stood in the refreshing water and just was.  I watched the waves roll in.  I followed ducks along a dock.  I wondered at the thrill felt by a seagull wheeling over the misty water.

My annoying cough may make standard meditation impractical, but there are other ways to calm the soul and rekindle our connection to the kindreds.

( For My LJ Friends: http://adfcatprints.blogspot.com/ )

When Meditation Becomes a Struggle

I strive to meditate daily, at least for five minutes.  Ideally, I would be meditating for 15-30 minutes every day but something invariably causes my schedule to become irregular.  Often it's fatigue, pure and simple.  I will either begin to fall asleep during my practice, or I will feel too exhausted to even try.  These are always the days that my meditations are a shallow five minutes.  I still do it, but the experience is more akin to a breathing exercise.  There's nothing wrong with that, but I want to move beyond.  Compared to where I was when I started meditating seven or so years ago, I'm leaps and bounds better, so I'm not entirely unimpressed with myself.

The annoyance of fatigue can be controlled by mental discipline, to a certain extent.  Sure there are days full of activity and obligation - days when overwhelming fatigue is assured - but for the most part, one can make a schedule and stick to it fairly well.  This is something I'm working on now.  But what about those aggravations beyond control?

I seem to have caught something over the weekend.  I wake up with a sore throat and I spend the remainder of my day coughing and feeling somewhat hoarse.  Physical discomfort is very difficult for me to overlook when meditating, especially when they include involuntary reactions.  Just try to breath comfortably and remain still while coughing every few minutes!  Congestion is another annoyance difficult to overcome.  When an exercise depends so heavily on a relaxed breath, congestion is the worst.

I've often wondered about Buddhist monks who meditate frequently.  Do they ever feel ill?  Do they still meditate if they do?  Can they overcome their physical ailments through mental focus?  Has meditation increased their immunity to illness, or are most Buddhist monasteries dedicated to meditation situated in very healthful climates?

I recently attended a real, honest-to-goodness yoga class as opposed to my usual exposure to yoga on Wii Fit.  Rather than having to focus on my balance, I was instructed to focus on my breath and that that was the most important part.  It is easier said than done and, of course, balance is still significant, but by not having to fixate on where my center of balance was in a pixilated yellow circle, I was free to attempt turning to my breathing.  As I contorted myself into occasionally uncomfortable positions, I found myself starting to move away from my physical being.  I visually focused on knots in wood paneling or the texture of the ceiling while paying attention to the inhalations and exhalations.  There were some poses I would have liked to spend more time in because I felt I was achieving some subtle peace of mind through them.  

I'm seriously considering more yoga.  While coughing and congestion may always get the best of me, yoga could help me build greater discipline overall.  Who knows?  Maybe one day I'll be able to transcend my more corporeal annoyances.  If not, I'll just do a shallow, five minute breathing exercise.  It's better than nothing, right?

( For My LJ Friends: http://adfcatprints.blogspot.com/ )

Returned from the Faire!

Hello dear readers! I went away for a few days to visit some of the tribe and travel to the Sterling Renaissance Festival. Hubby and I go every year and always enjoy it immensely. As usual, Weretoad and I dressed up.  It was pirate weekend, but we dressed as ...  wealthy merchants?  Lesser nobles?  I dunno.  We wore nice outfits, how about that?  I wore the outfit my mum gave me.  It looked like this but in hunter green.  My husband wore his wedding outfit which looked somewhat like this but with hunter green accents rather than silver and Celtic knot embroidery.  I made us each pouches which I will display at a later date.


I purchased many lovely things.  I always save some money to indulge myself at the Renaissance Festival. I look forward to being more financially secure (if such a thing will be possible in the future) and buying a whole wardrobe or large pieces of home decor one day*.  Even when I cannot afford the luxuries, the numerous talented artisans annually inspire my imagination and encourage me to keep practicing.   

Anyway, I bought a miniature clay bowl for my traveling altar, two bottles of ink (one of green pigment and the other called "wine"), some echinacea root, witch hazel bark, coltsfoot, and rosemary incense.  My husband bought me a rose and an amazing sculpture to hang on our walls (Photo at left.  The sculpture was made by the talented Jason Bakutis).  It's supposed to be Bast but I don't get the Egyptian vibe from it.  When I saw it, I fell in love with it as a catsidhe or my personality incarnate**.  Art is all about interpretation, no?  Now I just need to figure out where to hang this beauty...  


We didn't see as many shows this time, which leads me to believe that we need to go twice next year.  There is just too much to see and do in one day.  I did, however, have an amazing discussion with the Earthcraftyr herbalist and self-proclaimed "ditch witch."  We talked about trance, flying ointments, different plants,  and connecting with nature.  I was so grateful that she took some time to share her wisdom with me.  I would love to take a class from her in the future.  




* "I wanna be a billionaire so freaking bad..."


**  All the same, I used to be devoted to Bast in my eclectic Wiccan days.  She helped me through some rough times and started me on the road to being a strong woman.  I'll always be grateful to her for that.  We grew apart eventually; I guess she had taught me all I needed and I was sent promptly to the Gods of Ireland.  


( For My LJ Friends: http://adfcatprints.blogspot.com/ )

Meditation Video

I found this on Youtube and thought it would be excellent for a novice or anyone wishing to relax or delve back into meditation after a short to extended hiatus.




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Otherworldly Travel and "Inception"

I saw Christopher Nolan's latest film "Inception" with some of my tribe on Friday.  It was an amazing film complete with an intricate and fascinating plot, gasp-worthy special effects, and a riveting soundtrack*.  One thing that kept striking me were the similarities between the concepts of traveling into dreams in the film and the beliefs/teachings/experiences Pagans and such ilk have in meditation, trance, astral travel, and/or lucid dreaming.  I'll just bullet a few.

• The characters in the movie had personal totems that only they held and touched.  The intimate knowledge of the totem would help its owner determine whether or not they were in the dream world.  Many people who try to "cross the veil" have totems, charms, or talismans for protection, the facilitation of psychic abilities, a connection to "reality," etc...  
• "Inception" used architects, or highly imaginative, visual, and spacial thinkers who constructed dream worlds.  This is similar to the belief of many that safe houses/circles/groves/etc can be constructed in the Otherworld, or that your will can manipulate it with enough focus.  
• Dreams are dangerous places.  In "Inception," a person's subconscious projections or memories can become hostile.  There are dangers in the Otherworld too.  Some Pagan authors, like Paxson, even suggest a practitioner go through therapy before beginning to trance** due to possible projections.
• Cobb, Arthur, Ariadne, and company travel into dreams together as they all have a job and there is strength in numbers.  I've heard of people astrally projecting together, into other people's dreams and the like.  I've never experienced it or tried it myself but the concept is there.  The casts' teamwork also reminds me of spiritual teachers or guides.  Working with and developing a relationship with one is supposed to make your Otherworldly travels safer, perhaps even easier. 
• There's one dream scene, when Cobb is first training Ariadne*** at a cafe.  He reveals to her that she's in a dream and things start to fall apart.  Cobb tells her to relax, but the dream shatters. I've never been able to dream lucidly, but everything I've read about it speaks of the practitioner realizing that he or she is dreaming and using that knowledge to manipulate the dream, to seek inner information, or to connect with Otherworldly beings in the dream world.  
• As many of us already believe, and as is evident in the fictional world of "Inception," the dream world and what happens there is incredibly influential on this world.  

The film has me thinking more about the concept of the Otherworld.  What exactly is its nature?  Is the dream world the same as the Otherworld?  Are they connected so that one can lead to the other?  Could people who achieve states of insanity or coma be stuck in such a place?  If the Otherworld is really the dream world and we can manipulate it and create places there, are the fairy realms people stumble into something people made, Gods made, or the fairies made?  What came first?  Are we really just another island in the Otherworldly land of dreams?  Interesting and complicated questions.  They are the essence of many Pagan festival discussions, that's for sure!

* The song “Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien," by Edith Piaf is featured which was amusing because the actress who played the French chanteuse in the biopic "La Vie en Rose," Marion Cotillard, played Mal in "Inception." 


** I think anyone who has had the usual ups and downs of life should be fine, especially if ones talents are average and one has minimal danger of getting in over one's head.  If something really nasty showed up in trance, then perhaps...  but unless you have an unsettling background, I wouldn't worry.  That's just my belief.  As long as people can differentiate one world from the other and lead a productive life, things are peachy!


*** I loved Ariadne's character and the subtle and not-so-subtle ways that the director drew on the original myth.  


(The photos are scenes from "Inception.")


( For My LJ Friends: http://adfcatprints.blogspot.com/ )

Ants as Outsiders

I believe the mystery of the ants in the ritual room has been solved.  What drew them to my den, you wonder?  Why, an offering to the Outsiders!

First, for my readers who are unfamiliar with Druidism, in Ár nDraíocht Féin's Druidic tradition, the Outsiders are the forces of chaos.  Often, in myth, they were the beings who had confrontations with our deities.  In Irish legend, they are the Fomorians.  In Greek myth they are the Titans.  They are also, I believe, any spirits, both corporeal and numinous, who are disruptive of our households or tribes*.

This brings me to the ants.  While not an infestation, my invertebrate intruders were a tad nettlesome.  As you know, they took it upon themselves to use me as a hiking trail during meditations.  Although I welcomed it as a practice in focus, and recognize that combatting such intrusions while meditating in forest or field would be in vain, it was a challenge to deal with.  Most irksome were the moments of contact just as the links between body and mind were at their fuzziest.  One little ant and snap -  back to "reality".  This says something about my experience, I'm sure.

I said that an offering to the Outsiders had attracted the ants to my home.  What I am about to relate should stand as further proof of the ditziness of this Druid.

As stated, in ADF we believe in the Outsiders as forces of chaos.  In ritual, we present them with an offering of sorts.  Every Druid seems to have his or her own interpretation and methodology for this interaction.  Some would say the purpose is to make momentary peace so that the rest of the ritual may be executed without disruption.  Others would explain that the offering is to keep the Outsiders distracted.  I use this part of the liturgy to acknowledge the powers of chaos in the world.  I recognize their importance as part of the cosmic balance, but I request peace for my ritual.

Since moving to my new home, I have been using a green, glass votive holder for my offerings to these forces.  There is no reason for the color or material - it's simply what I had on hand.  I pour a little ale or other alcohol into it, say a few words, and place it on a windowsill away from my altar.  Well...  I seem to have forgotten about it following my most recent rite.  The Outsiders, in this case ants, took advantage of my long-standing hospitality and started to use my sacred space as a watering hole.  I discovered this last night while cleaning.

The moral of the story?  Given that I want the Outsiders outside of my house, I should really take the initiative to place the offering outside.  As it can be disruptive of my mental state to exit my ritual area during a rite, I think it will be most conducive to open the window by the offering as a symbolic gesture. "You - yes you.  Take this outside and let me be.  Here's the exit."  Having to shut the window will remind me of the offering which I will promptly move outside.


*My latest experience is another good example of how the dividing line between the Kindreds and other cosmic forces can often be fuzzy.

( For My LJ Friends: http://adfcatprints.blogspot.com/ )

Inspiring Words...

I need to remember these as I continue to meditate.

Within the circle, ways of journeying into the three realms of land, sea and sky are taught. These are powerful tools for seeking wisdom and developing and deepening our connection with the earth. The techniques take time, as do aLL worthwhile things. No promises of instant success or enlightenment are made. The most significant accomplishment within the circle Lies in contemplative repetition, using its gentle rhythm to reach a peaceful state of consciousness for sorting through the cares of the day and affirming that tomorrow our work can be done in greater harmony with the world around us.

 Erynn Rowan Laurie

A Circle of Stones

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More Meditation and its Validity

I think that meditating in the evening allows me to enjoy numerous advantages over doing the same in the daytime.  To start, it is cooler.  This is less distracting.  While I acknowledge that a practitioner of such arts should be able to meditate whenever, and that discomfort can lead to visceral trance experiences, I am still very much a novice (still...after seven years of on and off again practice...).  Another advantage is that most people have returned to their apartments.  The children are no longer playing in front of my ritual space.  The skateboarders have ollied their hearts out.  The neighbors upstairs have decided to quit attempting to be successful at Call of Duty and therefore quit screaming (very loudly) at animated adversaries.  In the evening, I'm better able to focus due to the quiet that settles over my neighborhood.

Today I did some drumming which helped to relax me.  It is occasionally distracting because I perceive my beat changing slightly, or the handle of the drum stick shifting.  Drumming while meditating is very new to me.  I want to continue practicing it but, at the same time, I think using an mp3 now and again will be just as useful*.  I also felt an ant on me again.  I really need to clean that room this week.  I don't know what the ants are so interested in there but it probably has something to do with the remnants of plants housed there during the spring.  The ant wasn't as distracting this time...but still...

Meditation went well for the most part.  I was better able to relax and experience a slight trance.  I say slight because some people have different definitions of trance and I occasionally falter as to what I believe...  Some say that a trance is all in the head.  Some say it's both.  Others that it has to be completely "separate from the body" to be valid.  I'm mostly in the "both" category as I've experienced each to one degree or another.  They were vivid for me...  I suppose whether someone else proclaims them as valid or not is meaningless in the long run.  What do you think?

* I'm starting to consider myself a slight technopagan...  Slight!

( For My LJ Friends: http://adfcatprints.blogspot.com/ )

Meditation Practice

I settled into my meditation corner after lighting a cone of incense and took some cleansing breaths followed by a two powers meditation.  It was difficult to focus, at first, because there was an ant crawling on me from time to time.  I decided to let it be an exercise on focus but, relative novice that I am, it was a challenge!

I opted not to use my drum today.  Weretoad had just got home from work and wanted to take a nap.  I wasn't sure if my drumming would disturb him or not.  I tried to focus on my breathing and on the image of a triquetra.

Along with the ant, the heat made it difficult as well.  My ritual/art room has a wall of southern facing windows.  Even with the shades down, it stays quite warm.

In the end, I didn't achieve trance but I was able to stay focused on the image of the triquetra for extended periods of time.  I also relaxed myself quite thoroughly.  When I came out of it (mostly because of the heat), I felt content and peaceful.  Trance or not, it is good for someone with a fiery personality to reach that state.

I think I may try again later when it's cooler out.  I'm endeavoring to restrict my internet access and I think disciplining myself to meditate in the cooler part of the day will help me on both fronts!


( For My LJ Friends: http://adfcatprints.blogspot.com/ )

Meditation Fail

So I was all ready to go.  I told my husband that I was going to meditate.  I had pillows against the wall for comfort and support.  The smoke of my incense was coiling to the ceiling.  I had my drum.  I was in the zone.  I felt my awareness fuzz and fade.  I let the drum fall and started to focus more on my breath...  Then I heard the scrape scrape scrape of a skateboarder who decided it was cool enough to practice some ollies nearby.  Sighing, I came back into awareness and started to drum again.  While I drummed I focused on the image of a triquetra, a symbol that has a lot of spiritual and personal significance to me.  Again, I felt my awareness start to shift.  I felt just about to fall somewhere when I heard my husband say my name.

I gave up.  He didn't mean to be disruptive.  I guess I had been in there for awhile and he wasn't sure if I was done.  He says I should make a sign.  I say he should make me a sign or just not bother me until I come out.  I was grumpy for a bit but decided to let it go.  Watched the first episode of an anime about high schoolers and zombies complete with horrifically humorous fan-service.

There's always tomorrow for more meditation!


( For My LJ Friends: http://adfcatprints.blogspot.com/ )

Into the Forest

I've recently begun to feel inadequate as a Druid.  I feel like all I do is read, read, read but I hardly do!  Yes, I've been doing my devotionals and my one formal ritual a week.  Yes I consider art to be magic and I do that a lot.  But...  I guess it's because I've been reading up for my Magic 1 essay for the IP.  I know more about magic now than I ever did, and yet I hardly ever do it.  And by it, I don't mean the everyday magic of crafting, cooking, gardening, etc...  Not that I'm overlooking its importance or meaning to me!  I mean the conjure up energy, focus, concentrate, shoot, charge, kind.  I did a few spells when I first became interested in Wicca.  They hardly ever worked out the way I wanted.  Part of this was probably because of how inexperienced  I was.  People would lose their shyness but then become so social that we grew apart.  People would attract someone but in a purely sexual way rather than in a loving way...  It was frustrating and so I kind of...stopped.  I still try to use positive thoughts and prayer...  But the last "high" bits of magic I've done were a year or so ago and, while they both worked and worked well, I've not felt the need to do much else.  I started to think that magic should only be used as a last resort, when all the "mundane" processes were complete and I hadn't any more "logical" means of action.

Well what a bunch of bullocks that is...  At least, that's how I'm starting to see it.  If I want to see something manifest in my life, there's no excuse for not doing a "mundane" action as well as a magical action to see it through!  Not only would it give me an extra boost towards whatever goals I have, but it would give me the necessary practice to increase any "psychic" abilities I may have.

That's another thing I've been worrying about recently.  Am I really cut out for the IP?  Can I actually be a proper Druidic magician?  Can I actually do trancework?  Divination?  I get so down on myself because I'm not constantly walking around with one foot in this world and one foot in the Otherworld.  I read about peoples' experiences - including good friends whom I fully trust and believe - and I think, "Well damn.  Why aren't I that good?"    I think it's, in part, because I don't practice enough or let myself believe in the validity of what I have experienced  Because I have experienced Otherworldly things.  I've felt the presence of deities so vividly that I could feel them hold me.   I've had a few deep trance experiences.  I've had one short out of body experience.  I've seen an unexplained being on the wall when I was little.  I've felt or known things that turned out to be true.  They were always around times of personal or family crisis.  My mother has a sort of intuition as well and has seen the fetches of her friends before finding out that they had died.  Maybe there's something in our blood and we just don't properly know how to use it?

Well I'm taking steps to better use and understand what I have.  I just need to practice!  I need to keep doing my rituals and devotionals, but also do more magic, meditation, and trance.  I need to get out of the house and into the forest to commune with the spirits there.  I need to connect deeply and, maybe, walk the paths of the Other World.  I need to use this computer a lot less!

I've been feeling the pull of the forest for weeks now.  I've been scared to go in by myself.  We've been here for nearly a year and I hardly visit the forest because I'm not the only one with access.  Children play there all the time.  People have paintball wars.  Some mysterious person used a tree as a bathroom.  There are cans here and there, no matter how many times I try to pick up...  I'm more scared of meeting the wrong person in the woods.  Humans scare me more than anything else right now.  Today I took a first step towards the strength I need to be the Druid I want to be.  I went into the woods by myself.  Twice.  I had a knife with me, which some traditions may argue insults the nature spirits, but I hope they know that it was more for defense against perverts.  I spent some time in the woods, whispering my intentions to the seen and unseen.  I relished in the shade, breathed in the pine, and enjoyed the sights and songs.  I came in later and did my ritual with a magical working.  It felt good.  It felt fairly focused.  It's a start.  I should probably journal about it towards my IP...


*One was to get a refrigerator back from the former tenant of a place we were renting, and the other, performed with a good friend, was to keep a flirtatious girl away from her husband.




( For My LJ Friends: http://adfcatprints.blogspot.com/ )

I sometimes feel less than adequate in the Pagan community.  There are so many people who claim the ability to astrally travel, see visions/auras, and sense energy.  I honestly believe that I experienced accidental astral projection once.  I've been able to see visions in my own mind and firmly believe that I saw a spirit of some sort when I was very, very young.  I can go into trance but it often takes a lot of time.  I can sense my own energies but have a harder time sensing them in other people.  I have, but not always.    When I say that, I mean the more subtle energies.  Like most humans, I'm easily able to sense anger, confusion, distrust, etc...  I know not everyone associates those feelings with energy but I do.  I've never seen an aura.  I sometimes think I'm not very good at projecting energy.  I'm a complete novice in divination.

I worry that I will disappoint the elders in my community.  I worry that I will disappoint the Kindreds.  I worry that I'll down-right suck in the ISP.

The rational side of me says that I'm young and inexperienced; that some of these things will come with time and practice*.  Practice is the biggie for me.  I waste so much time *not* practicing!  My time management definitely needs improvement.  My priorities are sometimes off.  Either that or I'm too easily distracted.  Or, very innocently and rightly, I just want to spend time with my husband.  All the same, I need to make more "me time" for my spirituality.  I need to spend less time online, less time playing games, and less time wasting time.

A question to my Pagan friends - do you ever feel this way?  How do you deal with it?







*I know there are some of you shaking your heads right now.  "She's talking about being rational about irrational things!"  :P

Bits and Bobs

~ Last night went well.  I decided not to give myself a reiki treatment.  I had a professional massage and no longer felt the need.  The massage was amazing and I really liked the woman who did it.  I got a good vibe from her and we talked a bit about some of the New Age/Pagan community in the area.  I learned about several opportunities I would like to look into!  More on these soon.

~ I meditated last night and used my bodhrán to drum myself into a trance.  It's something I've been meaning to try but I always put it off because I thought the physical motion would be too distracting.  It was strangely effective!  I met Brighid and had a little chat with her. She put me at ease about several issues.  I also met with my spirit guide and learned a strange dance from him.  We also talked briefly about how funny it is that a vegetarian has a carnivorous spirit guide.  He basically gave me the impression that just because he hunts for meat, it doesn't mean I have to.  He said I hunt for other things.*

~ There's another ADFer in Watertown!  I randomly looked at the roster for NY state and saw his name!  He joined a month ago.  I decided to email, say hello, and tell him about Muin Mound.  He replied and said he is hoping to attend the grove.

~ My husband and I are getting really excited about Wellspring. He's mostly excited about camping out and finally using our tent.  I'm looking forward to meeting more of my spiritual community and the workshops!  I wish there was more information about what is being presented and when certain rituals will be...


*My bodhrán has a skin head.  Yes I know this is hypocritical...  I deal with issues like this all the time.  I try my best and take my baby steps and live peacefully...  But I also really trust the person who makes the drums and, frankly, I would rather have a drum from someone who respected the animal than a synthetic drum head from a factory.