Thoughts on the Esbat and Some Shopping

Today I attended an Esbat - the first in a couple years, I think.  It was put on by the local CUUPs chapter.  There weren't as many people there as there were last time, but still some familiar and new faces.  The ritual was very Wiccan, which isn't a problem, of course, but I've not been to anything like that since leaving Utica.  I wasn't exactly sure what to expect and the ritual wasn't briefed very well beforehand so there were some awkward moments.  We did get some energy flowing, which was fun.  We made some holy water for spells and consecrations which will be nice to have.  The ritual leader never lead us through a grounding which I believe helped trigger a headache.  I did some grounding when I returned home which helped. So...  all in all, pros and cons to the ritual.  I really liked getting to know people, working with others towards a magical goal, and seeing new ways of doing things, but I think they could plan it better.  In their defense, they did admit that they hadn't really planned well to begin with!  I do intend to keep going for now.  There was some good energy and the fellowship is nice.  

I also did some shopping today.  I bought some clothes, some art supplies to make more tree spirits, and the latest edition of Witches and Pagans.  I have a lot to keep me busy!


( For My LJ Friends: http://adfcatprints.blogspot.com/ )

Living in Northern NY

As of August 6th, Weretoad and I have been residents of Northern NY for a year.  We moved up here from the Mohawk Valley last year.  It's been a bit of a transition.  I've been meaning to write about it.

In many ways, the North Country is similar to the Mohawk Valley.  It's still NY and therefore we witness similar plants and animals.  Each area enjoys productive agricultural areas and lovely rivers and/or canals.  We're a couple hours away from the Utica/Rome area, so I'm not seriously removed from my family and friends.

That said there are differences.  Few people see wild bears in the Mohawk Valley, but they're quite common up here, as are bobcats*.  There have even been lynx and cougar sightings.  This is probably because life up here is more agriculture than in the Mohawk Valley which is heavily urban and suburban except for a few happy exceptions.  The bigger animals haven't been driven out yet.

The rivers in the North Country seem more appreciated.  They are a central part of life here and not just something discussed in 4th grade social studies.  People celebrate our rivers.  Schools incorporate them into their songs.  The St. Lawrence is huge to our tourist industry, and many people who reside in this area enjoy it for sport, beauty, and sustenance.

The urban and suburban centers, while spread apart, have grown on me.  Alexandria Bay is kitschy but the views are beautiful and the swimming area is great on a hot day.  Clayton is one of my favorite places to go.  It seems to be the artistic center of Northern NY with its textile museum, antique boat museum,  studios, galleries, opera house, and art classes.  The view of the St. Lawrence is just as spectacular there.  The dining is also wonderful and vegetarian friendly.

Potsdam, an hour away from us, is a lovely college town full of cafes, international cuisine, boutiques, and access to the Raquette River.  There is art and academia, and it seems very pedestrian friendly.  I wish it were closer so I could live there!

Our city is Watertown.  While smaller than Utica, it seems cleaner and more alive.  There are many shops, restaurants, a huge and ornate library, and a thriving farmers market that is right in the middle of everything on Wednesdays (although parking is hard to find...) and a second, smaller one closer to the community college on Saturdays.

I am finding things to keep me busy outside of work and home.  There are a lot of classes that I would like to take advantage of when I have a little more money - yoga, sustainable/organic gardening, tai chi, weaving, drumming....  I've even found belly dancing classes a few towns away.  The CUUPs chapter is now providing me a place to practice Paganism more regularly with others.  A second New Age shop just opened up here.  The Mustard Seed in Watertown is my vegetarian cafe.  We have an amazing Thai restaurant, a decent Indian restaurant, and now have hibachi!  We are super close to the Saranac Lake, Lake Placid, Ottawa, and Montreal.  The military presence originally gave Northern NY a conservative feel, and I'm sure a majority of people here are very conservative, but the area is more diverse than that.    I'm feeling happier here and more at home, and that's even without me waxing poetic about how I have an amazing job with wonderful people!

There are things I miss.  The proximity to my family and friends is one of them.  My parents, especially my father, keep talking about moving up here.  They really like it.  I wish they would.  I miss seeing them as much as I used to.  There are things about Utica I miss as well: the amazing Stanley theater and the art museum mostly.  The Stanley gets Broadway shows and MWPAI has a spectacular collection as well as their affordable film series.  Weretoad and I used to take advantage of that all the time.  We also miss Minar, the Indian Restaurant in Utica.  The place in Watertown isn't bad - it's quite good really - but the environment at Minar was special.  The staff knew us and the decor was warmer feeling.  Utica also had more independent cafes.  I've found some in Clayton, Canton, and Potsdam, but Watertown only seems to have Paneera and the closest thin in my hometown is a Jrek's Sub Shop.

I also miss how close everything was in the Mohawk Valley.  Unless living in the extreme outskirts, it only took 15-20 minutes to get anywhere.  Up here, we have to drive 30 minutes to Watertown, 30 minutes to A Bay, 40 minutes to Clayton, 40 minutes to Canton, 1 hour to Potsdam...  It's annoying and stressful to someone who wants to be more environmentally friendly.  But even if I were to move to Watertown so I could be closer to everything there, I would then be 30 minutes from my job.  I can't win, aside from moving in between - which is what we'd like to do.  But, as the author of F that S says in her latest blog entry, living in the North Country comes with a lot of driving.  Her entry assuaged my inner guilt, reminding me that the little things one does to help the environment do add up.  Thanks for that!

While I'm certainly not close-minded to moving elsewhere down the road, I am finding myself happy here.  I have days or moments when I am annoyed by the driving, but that's really the worst part, and I want to focus on the best parts, of which there are many.

Here's to another year of exploration and growth in the North Country!


* I've not seen either yet, but my place of employment was on lockdown due to a bear once.


( For My LJ Friends: http://adfcatprints.blogspot.com/ )

CUUPs - Take Two

Last Tuesday I gave the local CUUPs chapter another chance.  I stopped going after my first visit because 1) I was ill for their next meeting, 2) scheduling with Weretoad complicated travel and 3) I was honestly unimpressed with the meeting.  They spent most of it discussing the food to serve - an activity better relegated to a sign-up sheet or an online forum.  I was disgruntled and returned to my solitary den, emerging only to celebrate with Muin Mound in Syracuse.

I decided that I had enough of being so alone.  I love my grovies and cherish the time I spend with them, but it's not enough.  I need to make friends up here as well.  CUUPs, with its open, bi-monthly meetings seemed like the best bet.  Only...for a few weeks it seemed they had disbanded.  The organizer's computer was at the 'puter doctor, hence the poor communication.

My most recent foray into the CUUPs world was more enjoyable.  The meeting was held outside where I was able to admire the lovely church grounds.  There were more people than last time.  We all discussed our experiences and/or research on lunar rituals and traditions.  I was called a living book because of my knowledge on Celtic lore.  This amused me because, compared with some people in ADF, I'm such a noob.  Weretoad was at work so I didn't feel like I had to leave right away in sympathy for his boredom.  I stayed and chatted with several people about Druidism, green/hedge/kitchen witchcraft, auras, and local shops.  It felt so good to talk with like-minded people in my new hometown. Perhaps I just wasn't ready last time...  Or perhaps the group has progressed in their organization?

I guess we'll see how it goes.  :)

( For My LJ Friends: http://adfcatprints.blogspot.com/ )

Bits and Bobs on a Tuesday Night

First off, a doodle I've been toying with tonight.* I was experimenting with some charcoal. Not really done but thought I'd share.

I was really hopeful to get one of my books on magic in Northern Europe today. I can't wait to start the ISP! In the meantime, I'm slowly working my way through some online drawing tutorials while coming up with sources for my muse essay.

In other news, I decided not to attend the Watertown CUUPS ritual tonight. I'm really congested and I can't participate well in a group meditation when I feel like I can't breathe. I hope they enjoy themselves!

Finally, I thought I should mention that I found my missing oath ring! It was hiding in a laundry basket. My hand feels less naked! Out of curiosity, do any of you have spiritually significant jewelry? What is it, where do you wear it, and what is the symbolism behind it?







* For my lj friends: http://adfcatprints.blogspot.com/

Spring is Coming

I heard geese today!  That's a sure sign of spring!

It feels so comfortable outside.  I love these transitionary moments.  I can feel the energy and the potential in the air.  Things are stirring.  Life is stirring.

In other news, I finally attended a CUUPS meeting.  It was held in the Watertown UU (Huge, lovely building, by the way.  I was surprised at how large it was!).  My husband came because I was nervous about meeting new people - Pagans in particular.  You see, as much as I love my religious community, it can't be denied that we attract some folks with questionable stability and, sometimes, morality.  I was delighted to find a group of inviting, intelligent, sane people.  Really, I've only had a couple of freaky experiences - both relatively minor to others I've heard of.  But still.  It doesn't hurt to play it safe, especially as a woman in an area full of testosterone, economic uncertainty, and a pool of people potentially dealing with PTSD.

Anyway, first impressions are everything and, as I said, these seemed like good people.  The purpose of the meeting was to discuss and prepare for the Spring Equinox.  I was a little put off by the use of an Edain McCoy book, but otherwise the research was pretty spot on to a lot of history books I've read.  Of course there was the usual duotheistic slant I've come to expect from most eclectic groups, but I am fine with that so long as they understand (or try to understand) the cultures from whence the holidays came.  I was even more impressed that the group was attempting to have a casual ritual open to people of all paths.  There will be no calling of quarters, no main deity called, no offerings given, etc.  Basically, the point of the ritual is to welcome spring and raise some energy that will be put back into the Earth.  Following that there is to be a potluck.  I offered to bring quiche.

I am looking forward to the ritual but also have some minor trepidations with the group.  Again, it is not their personalities or anything of the sort.  I think, more than anything, I feel really new but also really experienced.  The two women doing most of the talking have been Pagans longer than me, and that's awesome.  But everyone else seems really new and quiet.  I felt that I had a lot to say but was really reluctant to open my mouth for fear of overstepping boundaries.  I'm also uncertain as to their true feelings about ADF.  I was impressed that they knew about it, Muin Mound, and some of our beliefs.  They said they had done some ADF rituals in the past but I got the feeling they really weren't keen on them.  Something about being too complicated (they're long but logical, in my opinion).  They're not for everyone, but I definitely get something out of them and I would hate to work with people who turn their noses down on my tradition.  I guess I'll just see how things go next time and consider whether or not I go back... It's hard being the newbie.  I'm uncertain how they see me and what they really think.

You see, I'm struggling with wanting to find a local community and friends that I can feel safe with, and feeling like I already have too much going on.  Whenever I participate in ADF chats or attend Muin Mound, I feel really fulfilled.  I like being on a similar wavelength to others, and it's not like I've severed ties with my eclectic Pagan friends in Utica. I just...  I don't know.  I'm lonely but then I'm not.  Growing pains, I suppose. I guess I'll just see what happens!  At the very least, I would like to give the CUUPS a chance and maintain a positive relationship with them.

Happy Times!

Three things to mention before a busy evening:

1) Spring!  Spring!  Spring!  The sun is shining, the earth is getting warmer, I hear birds singing, and I see buds on the trees!  (I'm sorry if this exceeds my bubbly quota.)

2) I'm actually going to go to a CUUPS meeting tonight.  I'm dragging my poor husband because I'm nervous about going by myself.

3) I was officially accepted into the Initiate Study Program!  EEEE!  I need to order more books!

Hoping to try CUUPS

Ok.  I emailed the liaison for CUUPS in Watertown.  According to the website, they meet on the 2nd and 4th Tuesday of every month.  I would hate to go and find out it was rescheduled, though, so I wanted to email and get some details about what the topic of discussion will be and if I'm expected to bring a dish.  I'm really dedicated to going this time.  If people really rub me the wrong way, I just won't go back.  If it's  iffy, I'll take my friend Katrina's advice and go a few times just to make sure.

Quite simply, I would really love some Pagan contacts up here.  I would love to make a friend.  I cannot find anyone on my own it seems.  There's the store Moontide but the shopkeeper is New Agey - not Pagan.  Meetup.com doesn't list any groups.  Facebook yields similar results.  I'm not about to send private messages to complete strangers on Witchvox.  I want to meet in the relative safety of a group.  Something sanctioned by the UU puts me at further ease.

Sooo...  Here's hoping (if the meeting is on) that my husband is willing to go with me (I am SO not going alone) and that it is mostly positive.

First Contact

When I moved to the North Country I started to poke around Witcvox's directory to see who was around here. I do so every few weeks out of boredom and, sometimes, loneliness. I soon became aware of a shop called Moontide in Watertown. My work schedule and unfamiliarity with the area made it difficult for me to find. A few days ago, my husband and I explored an indoor shopping area and, lo and behold, there was Moontide.

The owner, who struck me as an intensely new agey but kind-hearted individual, dedicates half of her store to crystals, incense, and various New Age and Pagan knick knacks. The other half is full of romantic, vampiric clothing. I must admit, I want to go back and try some things on. I like ruffled blouses and long flowing skirts.

I bought a few small boxes of incense to replenish my supply, including dragon blood, a favorite of mine. I also engaged in small talk about the community and how we were new to it. She seemed glad that I didn't complain about the snow.

I asked her about CUUPs and, while she hasn't been in awhile, she recommends that I check it out. I got the impression that it is full of Wiccans which really isn't a surprise. Either that or she isn't aware that not all Pagans are Wiccan.

Anyway, that was my first venture into the local Pagan culture. There is a CUUPs meeting on Tuesday but I'm feeling under the weather today. I may not feel up to going. You may think that's just another excuse for me to avoid socializing, but really, I do feel quite ill. Although... I must admit I'm wondering if I really should go. The very active ADF chats have been keeping me quite happy recently...

Time Warp, MVPN, and North Country Pagans

I took advantage of the long weekend and visited my family. I was able to attend a performance of The Rocky Horror Picture Show at Utica College. (It was fantastic, by the way!) My dear friend Katrina and former mistress of ceremonies for MVPN was there and we were able to catch up before the show. I say "former mistress of ceremonies" because my last post about MVPN has been confirmed. They had their last council meeting and decided to dissolve. MVPN will remain as an online forum and networking site but nothing more, at least for the time being. The mostly Wiccan members will organize sabbats and esbats somewhat privately, meaning that they will meet with sincerely interested parties and eventually invite them, but the group won't focus on advertising. It also means that friends are welcome to the rituals should they want to attend.

Interestingly, I was asked to become a moderator on the forums as they mean a lot to me. They are how I maintain contact with my Pagan friends in the Mohawk Valley. I'm not sure when the switch will take place...

I also saw the former Elder of MVPN, Bruce, when getting breakfast at a donut shop. It was nice to see him as he is often silent on MVPN's boards. He is organizing a ritual to acknowledge the closure of MVPN in its original state.

C'est la vie, I guess.

There is a CUUPs meeting in Watertown next week, I believe. I'm thinking about going. I looked through Witch Vox's directory of local Pagans. I already knew that are some Pagans on Fort Drum, but there are supposedly Pagans in Evans Mills, Gouverneur, Antwerp, and Philadelphia. I'm not about to message these people and ask to meet up. That would make me feel uncomfortable. I would feel safer going to an established and open Pagan meeting.

We'll see what happens I guess!

ADF Chats and Strange Dreams

I found out that the CUUPs group in Watertown was having a meeting last night. At first I really wanted to try and make it but then I realized how last-minute it was and decided to stay home and relax with my husband. I ended up getting on the ADF chat towards the end of the night which was a lot of fun and helped to remind me that I'm not alone, even if I'm the only ADFer in Northern NY (which it sometimes seems is the case...) We talked about the nature of deity, specifically whether or not Zeus was the same as Jupiter and Tyr, etc. It was a fun intellectual exercise but one we all agreed wouldn't lead to any true conclusions. All the same, I believe that such discussions are important. They force us to contemplate our faith and even question it. This, I believe, helps to ward off stagnation and unflinching dogma.

Somehow, we ended up talking about the Fomoire, I admitted that I had an interest in them, in particular Bres. In much of the lore I've read, he is Brighid's husband. Unfortunately, he turns out to be a horrible king. Bres is part Fomoire and part Tuatha de Dannan. He decides to enslave the de Dannans and favor the Fomoire. He was also not very hospitable which, to the ancient Irish, was a big no-no. After a war, The Fomoire are defeated and Lugh gets the secrets of agriculture from former king Bres. It's a trade - Bres' life for, basically, the secrets of taming nature.

I explained to my fellow ADFers that, while I've not made tribute to him and do not worship him, I have an interest. Perhaps I can compare it to the interest people have in someone like Iago from Othello. He's the antagonist and I can't help but wonder at his motives. More importantly, I wonder at Brighid's relationship with him. Yes, in the myths, it was most probably symbolic of a political marriage and, perhaps, sovereignty. But, if the Gods have feelings like us, how did she feel? If it's all just a metaphor, what does it mean to people devoted to Brighid? What does it mean to a feminist to worship a Goddess who married an asshat? Was he always like that? We know she invented keening when their son was killed. But that's it. Brighid is such an important Goddess to me that I can't help but wonder at it all.

Anyway, shortly after the chat I went to bed and I had a horrible dream. In the dream, I became aware of a shadowy figure watching me through the windows at night. No matter where I went he (because I somehow knew it was male) knew and fallowed. At some points he was just a silhouette behind a blind. Other times I felt his presence. Then there were times when he seemed to be reaching through the windows from the darkness. It was very frightening. Finally, in an attempt to flee I got into a car with someone else (I can't remember who - my sister, maybe) and the person/thing chased after me. The car was going and I couldn't get the door closed. The thing was at the door, a shadow, reaching through the spaces. I woke up shortly after that.

At work I ended up daydreaming for a bit. I was thinking about the dream. I hardly ever seem to remember my dreams and I suddenly remembered the discussion on the Fomoire. Was it Bres? Or was my mind still thinking of the "Outsiders" ( the term we often use in ADF to describe the "powers of chaos" like the Fomoire or the Titans)? Did I get their attention? If so, and if I had a dream like that as a result, I don't think I'll ever want to think about making offerings to Bres.

Tonight, as it gets darker, I think of Brighid, my patroness, and I ask her, as I always ask her, to protect my home and me in it. I can't help but wonder what it means to ask the wife to keep the husband out?

CUUPS?

Has anyone been involved with CUUPS? There is a chapter in Watertown (30ish minutes away from me) and I'm thinking about going to check it out. I keep feeling so so about it. One the one hand, I realize that it will be an eclectic mix and I already have that in the form of MVPN. I also realize that it would just be another thing to get involved in On the other hand, I'm lonely up here. My only real friend is my husband. I talk to people at work but I don't show them all of me. I would like to know some more people - people who I'm not afraid of being myself around.

Thoughts?