Divination LOL

( For My LJ Friends: http://adfcatprints.blogspot.com/ )

I sometimes feel less than adequate in the Pagan community.  There are so many people who claim the ability to astrally travel, see visions/auras, and sense energy.  I honestly believe that I experienced accidental astral projection once.  I've been able to see visions in my own mind and firmly believe that I saw a spirit of some sort when I was very, very young.  I can go into trance but it often takes a lot of time.  I can sense my own energies but have a harder time sensing them in other people.  I have, but not always.    When I say that, I mean the more subtle energies.  Like most humans, I'm easily able to sense anger, confusion, distrust, etc...  I know not everyone associates those feelings with energy but I do.  I've never seen an aura.  I sometimes think I'm not very good at projecting energy.  I'm a complete novice in divination.

I worry that I will disappoint the elders in my community.  I worry that I will disappoint the Kindreds.  I worry that I'll down-right suck in the ISP.

The rational side of me says that I'm young and inexperienced; that some of these things will come with time and practice*.  Practice is the biggie for me.  I waste so much time *not* practicing!  My time management definitely needs improvement.  My priorities are sometimes off.  Either that or I'm too easily distracted.  Or, very innocently and rightly, I just want to spend time with my husband.  All the same, I need to make more "me time" for my spirituality.  I need to spend less time online, less time playing games, and less time wasting time.

A question to my Pagan friends - do you ever feel this way?  How do you deal with it?







*I know there are some of you shaking your heads right now.  "She's talking about being rational about irrational things!"  :P

A Relaxed Spring Ritual

I am so blessed to have a husband who is willing to have rituals with me despite his lack of religion.  There are even days, like today, where I feel "out of it" and it's him encouraging me to do the things I value so highly.  I've been feeling congested all day as well as kind of depressed.  I knew I wanted to acknowledge the new season in some way but felt blase about it at the same time.  Hubby kept asking and asking so I finally decided that we would do a very laid back ritual closer to my longer devotionals.

Hubby said he enjoyed it.   He helped out by making a couple offerings and drawing the cards for the omen, even helping me interpreting their meaning for our lives.  To me, it was such a bonding activity.

We honored a being I've been calling "Forest."  I see her as the guardian spirit of NY.  I don't really know her real name so just call her that because that is where I feel her strongest.  There is a wildness about her and yet a tameness - much of it imprinted on her by us, but she nourishes us through the fertile, tilled fields where thick trees once stood.  She's the localized Earth Mother who is waking up after a winter nap.

The omen we received was similar to what I got in my last ritual, and yet hubby felt there were other meanings too, which made a lot of sense.  The kindreds are calling us outside, to travel to our tribe, to dive into our different projects, and to not worry so much.

That last bit is something I need to work on...  Really, it's probably the crux of my personality flaws.  I worry too much about what I need to do, whether or not I'm good at something, whether or not I'm attractive, etc...  I need to just stop and be.  It's these things that are acting as hurdles to my spiritual development.  My mind is sometimes far too busy and it needs to relax.

The Game Plan

As you saw in my last post, I'm working diligently on the Artisan Guild study program.  I want to get into the Initiate Study Program as well and was suddenly feeling overwhelmed with the possibilities.  Kirk gave me some perspective that really helped.  I need to find a balance between the practical/experimental and the academic.  This goes for my art studies as well since I'm doing them at the same time.

I was thinking of doing Divination 1 for the ISP.  I may yet start the research components of it, but I don't want to start the journal until I've created a new set of ogham and I'm planning to do that as part of my Artisan Guild study program.  So here's what I'm thinking (bear with me if this seems complicated - it makes sense to me!):

1) Submit my working outlines to the Art Guild preceptor.
2) Use some online drawing tutorials to refamiliarize myself with perspective, scale, shading, etc...
3) Continue sketching and, eventually, create the necessary pieces for my portfolio.
4) By then I can start "Technical Competence" requirement 3 - "Single Ritual Piece," aka my new and improved ogham.
5) Then I can use the ogham to practice divination for Divination 1.

In the meantime!

1) Start Magic 1.  I just ordered a few books to help me complete this portion:

•  Practical Magic in the Northern Tradition
  Nigel Pennick
•  Irish Celtic Magical Tradition: Ancient Wisdom of the Battle of Moytura
  Steve Blamires
•  The Magic Arts in Celtic Britain  Lewis Spence

I'm really excited to dig into these!  

2) By the time I finish Magic 1, I'll be able to do Magic 2 and overlap the journaling with Trance 1.

3) Hopefully, after all the above work, I'll be able to start my divination journal at this time.  

4) Throughout all of this I'll be studying Irish, working towards the goals outlined in Indo-European Language 1.

So, yeah.  I have a *lot* of work ahead of me.  How exciting!  Seriously, I love this sort of stuff.  (Yes, I miss college already!)

Bits and Bobs

A few days ago I did a ritual to transfer the energies from my original oath ring to another.  You see, the first one broke.  :(  I stumbled across an old ring a few weeks after and it struck me as 100% appropriate for my oath ring.  It has swirls, the archaic symbol I am so drawn to.  It came from my mother who wore it herself as a young girl, so it has a "family treasure" aura about it.  I went about the ritual as a way to reaffirm my oath.  It was a very positive experience.

I used the Druid oracle cards for my omen and drew the deer, cow, and swan from the Nature Spirits, Ancestors, and Gods respectively.  I feel that my Nature Kin, especially the unseen variety, are inviting me further into the hidden places of the forests within and without.  I feel that the Ancestors are calling me to their hearthways.  They also offer comfort and maternal understanding.  The Gods, I feel, are telling me of a transformation I must go through to progress through my Druidic studies.

How are my Druidic studies going?  Well I'm currently being discussed by the Clergy Council.  If I really think about it, the process puts knots in my stomach.  What are they saying about me?  Am I up to snuff or do I have to fix items in my DP?  Do they think I have what it takes?

My progress through the Artisan Guild study program is slow.  I'm waiting for my sister to bring some of her old art history books to me to take a look at before I decided if I should just buy one.  I'm studying the lore and folk practices connected to Brighid which is incredibly fascinating.  There are so many things I didn't know or hadn't thought about before.  A lot of it is clicking.

Resolutions?

I'm going to put in more of an effort when it comes to bringing reusable bags with me while shopping. I need to remember to say "no thank you" when a cashier starts to bag an item. If I forget my bags, I need to buy less and carry it out in my hands/purse or not purchase anything at all. That would certainly help my wallet. :P

I also want to only buy eco-friendly cleaning products and even attempt to make some of my own.

Also, I want to learn to bike. This sounds so stupid, I'm sure, but I rarely biked as a youngster. I was scared without training wheels so I gave up. Now I'm more determined than ever to improve so that I can bike to work. (When it's not crappy out.)

In addition, I want to continue the environmentally friendly practices I'm developing - composting, gardening more and more, recycling, using cloth towels more than paper, etc... I'm proud of how far I've come. It's both a little and a lot... I guess.

Spiritually I want to spend more time meditating and even improve my divinatory practices. I really let those fall to the wayside.

Happy secular New Year everyone!